Back to School

I've wanted to go back to school pretty much since I graduated.  I love school -- the books, the smell of chalk, the term papers.  (Hey, I've already admitted to being a geek!)  I think that's why I became a teacher.

Today, many years and several career changes later, I find myself back in school.  It took all my courage and then some to make the leap.  Funny, isn't it, how times change?  All of a sudden, this former A student goodie two shoes is scared out of her wits in going back!  And funnier still -- I've been part of this program now for a year and my stomach still does a flip-flop when it comes time to hit send to submit the latest assignment.  I did just that a few moments ago: said a little prayer and sent my paper off into the black hole of the Internet, hopefully to be received lovingly by my faceless professor at the other end.

So why the anxiety?  I've been a marketing communications professional for more than a decade -- plenty of time to bring ideas to the table and strength to the program I'm in.  I think the online factor is part of the problem.  While we do get to "chat" and "connect" in class, it's not the classroom environment I'm accustomed to.  Maybe it's the lack of chalk?  Who knows.

But I think the issue is deeper.  Somewhere in the ten plus years of being out in the world trying to prove myself in being able to do something I wasn't formally trained to do (my degree is in English and I'm certified to teach grades 7-12, but I work in a marketing communications department), I lost my classroom confidence.  Now, in my online classroom setting among other professionals in the field, most of whom were formally trained, I find myself the shy kid in the back, afraid to raise her hand.

It's still the start of a new semester.  I go through these jitters for a while until I start to feel comfortable in the class.  I guess you're never too old to learn something new, or to feel like a kid again.